Reforged!

From the ashes a fire shall be woken. A light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king. -- Arwen, Lord of the Rings.

One year after breaking my ankle at the Remembrance Day Race, I returned today to finish what I started. I have been thinking about this race for a full year. During the six weeks where I could barely walk and never thought I would run again. (I even looked into speed walking online just in case...)
In retrospect I am grateful for the injury last year. My ankle hurt too much to practice speedwork so instead I opted for the long slow marathon training runs. Completing the marathon was on of the highlights of my life and I never would have done it if it had not been for my injury.
My goal today was just to finish the race with no injury. No goal times, just focus on running strong and safe in the wet and muddy conditions. My race plan was to start slow, run strong on the uphills and slow on the downhills and no ipod until the last big downhill was complete.
I was surprised to see my friend Ryan at the race. He hasn't run in a race before so he really picked a crazy one to try--a muddy hilly slick and dangerous cross country run.
The race started and as expected there was a huge rush out of the gate. About half the participants were wearing team jerseys from local universities. They were running about 6:00 pace at the start. I suppressed the urge to sprint with them and held back. Within 400m I was in last place! Perfect...right where I wanted to be.
I settled in with the last place group. There were about five of us. Two yappy girls, a tall skinny guy in a pink shirt, a heavier guy with an ipod and me. I rested in the back of the group for the first ten minutes or so. We were running an easy 8:30 pace through the rolling knolls that make up the first part of the course. Eventually though they began to slow as the inclines began to take their toll and I had to leave them behind. I spotted another runner about 200 meters ahead and sped up slowly to catch her too. Her breathing was loud and her gait was slow and heavy. It didn't take long before she also slowed. I continued to spot runners in the distance, catch them and run at their pace until they couldn't sustain the pace, at which point I would move on to the next runner ahead.
We finally reached the group of three big hills in the middle of the course. Anytime a hill has a name you know its a killer. These ones were named "Hanson", "Eagle" and "Adrian's Hill". Adrian's hill is the biggest of the three. It is also the hill where I got injured. I was both eager and anxious when I reached the hills again. I recalled my epic competition with the old man last year as we raced each other up Hanson and Eagle. I also identified what I suspect is the rock that tripped me up on Adrian's Hill. Good thing I was looking for it this time because it is naturally camouflaged on an overcast, muddy and rainy fall day like today. Funny thing, though...those hills were so much bigger in my memory. It must be all the hill training that I do.

At the bottom of Adrian's Hill I knew that the rest of the course was rolling. With no more big climbs or descents to worry about, I turned on my iPod and started running hard. I was passing more and more runners. I forgot how psychologically satisfying it is to pass people at the end of a race. Finally I broke out of the woods and onto the grassy field and the finish. The organizers had us finish by running the perimeter of the grassy field, about 400 meters or so. As soon as I hit the grass I started running harder. Around the park and up a small muddy trail to the final 100m stretch. A straight stretch to the finish where I could finally stop worrying about slipping in the mud and just run. Some elite runners were loitering at the finish line. Their eyes got big as they saw me coming and they quickly got out of the way.
After the finish I collapsed and lay on the grass. I felt great. I had achieved my goal of finishing with no injuries and I had a chance to run hard at the end. It wasn't quite a lifetime accomplishment like the marathon. Still, I have to rank this run as one of my greatest. Here I was broken and here I was remade.

Quad Cities Marathon

Remember how I always said I would rather run a 10K than a marathon because after a 10K I feel great but after a marathon I may never want to run again? Remember? Because I apparently forgot that bit of wisdom over the past 6 months.

Sunday morning dawned cloudy and cool. I showered, put on my new race shirt, fuel belt with cash and I.D., and a windbreaker and headed on down to the start.

I soaked up the atmosphere. Some runners were milling about. Others were jogging--probably just trying to burn off nervous energy. I just found a place in the starting chute and relaxed. I noticed how many other runners were wearing shirts from other marathons. Eventually I found my pace bunny Marie. Marie is an elementary school phys ed teacher who paces marathons on the weekend...all over the country...every weekend! She has run over 180 marathons and even been on the Wheaties box! So I was in good hands. She would be easy to spot with a bright yellow safety vest, a hat with pace "bunny" ears and a tall sign that said "5 hours".

Instead of a starters pistol they start the race with a cannon blast! Every body started jogging towards the start line then got all bunched up and had to walk a couple of seconds before the running could actually begin. I decided not to use my iPod until mile 22 so that I could hear the whole experience including the bands playing music, other runners chatting, the sound of thousands of footsteps all at once and people cheering us on.

Luckily, the most visually dramatic mile is the first mile. I was still fresh enough to look around as we ran over the mile long I-74 bridge as it crosses the Mississippi river. The sun was just rising. The bridge looks like a green version of the Golden Gate Bridge and it swayed with the rhythm of our footsteps the entire way.

The big hill starts at about mile 2. A whopping 70 feet of elevation stretched out over a mile. This was one of the big draws for me--the race was essentially flat. Most of us ran the hill just fine but a few had to walk.

It was after the hill that I noticed one of the drawbacks of the race. The roads in the Quad Cities are not asphalt, they are concrete. It was just about this time that an old injury began to haunt me in my left foot. I aggravated a minor bruise in my left foot last week and thought it was healed but apparently the concrete brought it back. Within half a mile the pain was starting to make me wonder if I shouldn't just stop.

But how could I stop? I trained over six months. I took a week off work. I flew my wife to the middle of nowhere to run this race. On a warm up race you can quit. But this was my goal race and there would be no quitting.

My wife met me at the 4.5 mile mark just past a Gu station. She cheered me on as I handed her the wind breaker. She told me I looked great and had no idea I was in any pain.

The pace bunny was excellent. Not only did she keep an even pace (more or less...more about that later too) but she chatted the entire time. She told us stories about other races she had won, people who inspired her and close calls she had with her health.

At about the 10K mark I needed the bathroom which was cool since the nearest port o potty was within a mile. There were four of them lined up. Three of them were marked occupied but one was not. I knocked, didn't hear anything and opened the door...to find some lady sitting on the john! I quickly closed the door and was glad a different bathroom became available before the lady came out.

I quickly caught up with my pace bunny and marched on to mile 8 where my brother and sister in law would be waiting. I heard them cheering and gave them a quick thumbs up.

Eventually around mile 9 or 10 we saw a sign that said "All men dream of fishnets." It turned out that the next group of volunteers handing out Gu was the local ladies roller derby team who apparently wear fishnet stockings as part of their uniform. We all appreciated their enthusiasm...

In addition to the live bands there was a gospel singer. But the best musical entertainment were the two bagpipers.

We eventually made our way across the Centennial Bridge and on to Rock Island Arsenal for the grueling miles 13-19. I say grueling because the roads, which were not great to start out with, were in even worse condition. That is to say broken patches of concete and steeply bevelled. It was nice to see the military personnel in full uniform all along the course cheering us on. Our pacing group took the opportunity to thank them for their service.

Speaking of our pacing group, it was at this point that it started to thin out. At the beginning of the run there were about 10 or 12 of us. A few felt the pace was too slow and ran ahead but a few had failed to keep up. By the time we finished mile 18 there were only three of us left. Ahead we could see some of the group that had run ahead and now had slowed down.

By this time, the pain in my left foot had worsened and now my right foot was hurting too. I stopped. I contemplated walking for a while. I saw the pacing group continuing on without me. I almost accepted defeat--and stopping at that point would have been defeat--when I made two good decisions. First, I decided that it hurt to walk as much as it did to run so why not run? Secondly, I decided to use my iPod early. I know I had planned on using it at mile 22 but here at mile 19 I was in pain and needed the inspiration of the music and the guidance of the cadence. I switched on my iPod, focused on the cadence and started running again.

The cadence helped me quickly catch my pacing group. Then a curious thing happened. We could see the 20 mile mark in the distance about 600 meters away. Our pacer looked at her watch and realized that we were about 20 seconds off the pace. She started running faster to make up the time by mile 20. As she ran faster, I started to run faster. With about 200 meters to go she started sprinting so I started sprinting. Quickly it was just me and her as the rest of the group fell behind. When she crossed the timing mats at the 20 mile mark she slowed down...but I couldn't. I was like a caged tiger that had been released. Not only did I not stop, but I sped up.

Maybe it was the music, maybe I was getting impatient with the pain or maybe I was trying to escape the pace bunny's unending yacking. Whatever it was it was euphoric and I felt like a racer again. I flew by other runners. I was laughing, I was crying and I felt like screaming. But most of all I felt like running. Mile 21, 22 and 23 passed. At mile 23 I saw my wife again waiting for me. She cheered as I threw off my sunglasses, toque and fuel belt.

Then the euphoria burned off and the pain came crashing in. Every step on both feet was agony. And I'm not trying to be dramatic. I don't think I can describe it well enough but anyone who has run far enough and long enough knows what I'm talking about. And it wasn't "The Wall". I wasn't tired. I wanted to run. I only had 3 miles to go. I wasn't even sweating or breathing hard. But the pain overwhelmed me.

I walked but I was not defeated. Drawing on past race experiences I used another mental motivational tactic. I remembered why I was running. I thought of my Aunt Julianna, how she lived with rheumatoid arthritis for decades before it killed her. Every step she took felt like I was feeling, maybe even worse. If I ran now, I felt her pain. "You are not forgotten," I yelled at the sky and started running again. The pain was welcome now. I revelled in it. I wanted more. For those few minutes I connected with her and felt her run with me.

The pain overwhelmed me again with 2 miles to go. I stopped and walked and thought of my Uncle Mike. I have one memory of my Uncle Mike. It was my 9th birthday and my family was visiting my mom's relatives in South Dakota. I didn't get much of a birthday party as I can recall. I remember telling my Uncle Mike that it was my birthday. He reached into his pocket and gave me all the money he had and wished me a happy birthday. It was only 75 cents but I never forgot it. He died of a heroin overdose soon after that. "Run with me" I whispered and started running again.

My wife was waiting for my again about half way to the 26 mile marker. The pain was creeping in again. She must have recognized this as I approached. In a moment I will never forget she joined me. We jogged the 500 meters to the 26 mile marker. Finally, in the distance I could make out the finish line. I touched her hand and and told her I loved her and that I would wait for her there. I turned the music up loud and challenged the pain to stop me now. I heard someone yelling my name and recognized my brother Jesse who was waiting for me about 150 meters from the finish, I gave him a high five, picked up my knees and ran as hard as I could.

Marathon - 1 Day

The marathon is tomorrow. So I spent the day laying in bed and obsessing about it....just kidding. Actually I learned alot about travelling and racing from my 10K in Edmonton and Provo. You gotta relax the day before and enjoy the moment! Tomorrow is going to happen no matter what, so why ruin today?

With that in mind I slept in until 10AM then had breakfast at McDonalds. Then I helped my brother study for his anatomy exam on Tuesday as we drove to Muscatine, Iowa for a riverboat lunch cruise. The lunch cruise was great.

Later on I picked up my race packet at the iWireless centre. Joking around with race volunteers is fun ("I am going to win this thing...as long as nobody comes in faster than 5 hours"). I also met Dane Rauschenberg who is famous for running a marathon every weekend for a full 52 weeks. He was hanging out at the Iowa Beef Farmers booth. I signed up to be on the team beef if they ever do one and got into a 'discussion' about whether we are farmers or ranchers. Cattlemen prefer to be called "ranchers"..."farmers" sounds so hick. Anyway, once he got done talking to some other fans I got a picture with him. I noticed he was signing a poster of him finishing the Ogden, Utah marathon and there was a quote on it "there may come a day when you cannot run. Today is not that day." So I said to him "that comes from Lord of the Rings." He looked a little annoyed and quickly said "Yeah my brother thinks I stole it from Tolkien but I wasn't thinking about that at all when I wrote the quote." Then when I took my picture with him I was like "Yeah this guy is cool because he writes a blog that people actually read." He thought that was pretty funny.

Anyway, turns out there is no shuttle from the hotel to the marathon tomorrow so I got to get up extra early to get there on time.

So its off to bed for a restless sleep then get up and go for a little jog.....

Quad Cities Marathon - 2 Days

Its Friday. Quad Cities Marathon is on Sunday. Drove down to Seattle last night. We arrived at about 930 PM. Minor glitches at the hotel with our airport parking deal but after a short trip to Jack in the Box and a double cheeseburger later the hotel staff had it all sorted out. In bed by 11PM and awake at 530AM.

Our flight left Seattle at 830AM. We had the cutest kid sitting in front of us. He was about 10 months old and when he saw us he climbed over the chair and was smiling and laughing. I told his dad "you have the cutest kid ever!" His dad replied "let's see how cute you think he is once the flight is over." He wasn't kidding! That cute kid turned into screaming child for over an hour. It was strange because he would be laughing for about five minutes then start screaming again then be laughing again. Made for a long flight.

So our flight arrived at 230PM at Chicago O'Hare Airport. Our connecting flight to Moline started boarding at 235PM. It was fun to sprint from one terminal to the other while clutching my 20 pound computer bag like an idiot. And it also felt really good, just what I needed to be confident that even though I haven't run hard in a week, my legs know what to do when called upon. We sprinted and made our flight on time but apparently our bags didn't. But the nice folks at the American Airlines ticket desk were expecting us and assured us our bags would be on the next flight in...9PM.

So we were stuck with no clean clothes to shower and change into.

We spent the evening with my brother and sister in law at a "Light Up The Night" walk for the cure. It was alot of fun to sit and joke around with my family, listen to some live music and feel like a local.

Anyway, we picked up our bags at 9PM and now its time to get some hydration and sleep.

20 Miles at Last!

After 6 months of training I have finally accomplished one of my goals this year: to run a 20 mile training run. After failing to complete the 18 mile run due to hot weather and struggling to finish the 19 miler last week, I was apprehensive about the 20 miler. I was also determined to accomplish it. And yes, it is fun to watch people's eye's pop out when you casually mention how far you ran.

That is, when you don't get the most common reaction which is no reaction at all. I find that most non-runners just don't understand. Long distances and personal bests are two things that I find it less than useful to report to people who don't run.

And to be fair, I used to laugh at amateur marathon runners. Plodders who had no hope of winning who were happy to waddle to the finish in 5 hours or so. "Anybody can just move their feet for 5 hours" I would say. Well guess what? I don't feel that way any more! Especially in the last 2 months my respect for ANYBODY who trains for and completes a marathon has grown immensely. This isn't easy and it takes alot more than just moving your feet.

I now understand that when you see people running 26.2 on race day, its really the final 26.2 miles after hundreds of training miles. The final running day after hundreds of running days. The tip of the training iceberg. For many, this will be the greatest day of their life! And yes it should rival marriages and graduations and births of children because it represents a long term daily commitment to overcome fatigue, pain, self doubt and injury. It requires a complete change in the way they view themselves long before they have any evidence to support this new self image. The photo at the finish was created in their minds long before it was snapped. It was created long before anyone else could see it.

Sometimes, most of the time, in life you have to be your own one person cheering section for a very long time before anyone else cheers for you.

I am not certain I broke my ankle in November, the xrays showed a small bone fragment consistent with a small fracture but not conclusive, no cast was necessary. But badly sprained or broken I still couldn't walk right for six weeks. There was a time last December when I was sure I would never run again. But I made a plan to try to run. It started with seeing a physiotherapist as soon as possible and following their instructions diligently. I began range of motion exercises and trying to walk with as much pressure through that ankle as possible. Then, after two months of no running at all, I went for my first jog. I limped for 5 minutes but it was a start. Through January and February I slowly built up to be able to limp 15 minutes on a treadmill and then icing the heck out of my ankle afterwards. I began to believe. I began to feel that I was still a runner, an injured runner, but I was an athlete.

By the end of February I had a plan to run 1 mile more every Saturday until I ran 20 miles. This of course would be supplemented by running 4 weekdays. I ran on the grass soccer fields at Seabird and the treadmills at the gym. At first the ankle hurt with each step but I soon learned that it wasn't being harmed. Soon the ankle hurt only occasionally, and then rarely. Now, I often forget which ankle was injured. So finally, yesterday, after months of preparation I completed 20 miles. I am no longer an injured athlete.

19 Mile Run

Today was my 37th birthday. What better way to celebrate than waking up and running 19 miles?

I find that before each run I have the same apprehension...can I really do this? On paper it seems like such a long way. Then I recall the previous runs of 15, 16 and 17 miles. They seemed so far at the time but now I wish I was only going 17 miles. Somehow, it seems hard to believe that I even completed those runs because those seem like large numbers. This morning I fought the disbelief by telling myself it was going to be like a day at work...a few hours of putting one foot in front of the other and then you're home.

Its significantly cooler now. Last week it was 85 degrees or more when I started my 18 mile run. It was 95 degrees a couple of hours later at mile 11 when I decided I had better stop. Today it was around 75 degrees when I started and it felt cold. I was glad because I knew I would have the stamina I need.

On todays run I also realized that preloading with 16 ounces of water 2 hours before I run is counterproductive...just ask a couple of unfortunate trees on the trail!

After failing to complete last week's long run, I decided to return to the strategy that worked in the past. That is breaking the marathon down into segments of 10-10-10 (10 miles, 10 miles, 10k), running so slow at the beginning that I think I am going too slow and not listening to the iPod until at least the five mile mark. The return to those principles and strategies worked well. At the beginning I just concentrated on going slow and relaxing and before I was even aware of it I was at the 5 mile mark. I actually didn't turn on the iPod until the 6.5 mile mark when I noticed my mind wandering and my speed slipping and decided I needed the music to keep up my cadence. I felt quite fresh at the ten mile mark and looked forward to the next ten miles. Finally, I was very glad at the finish that I had started out slow because I really was tired at the end and can't imagine what would have happened if I started out too fast.

I was passed three times by the same car on the dike road. A guy and his young son kept passing me in the car. They were grinning the third time they passed me as if to say "I can't believe you are still our here!"

When I finished the run my legs felt like jello. It was all I could do to stumble to the park bench and lay down. I stared up at the sky for about ten minutes before gathering my strength and walking to my car. I headed to Dairy Queen for a green Arctic Blast before driving home.

I still can't believe I ran 19 miles.

Monday Morning Trail Run

I love Monday morning! Well, basically there are two days that I love to run most--Monday morning and Friday morning. Monday morning is the mountain run. There is a 3 mile trail with about 700 feet of elevation outside my door (I live on a little mountain). On Monday morning I get up, run the trail and the best part is I get to go home and put some ice on my legs and go back to bed! For about 45 minutes then I got to get up and go to work but aside from Saturday its the only run where I get to go back to sleep.

I like Friday morning because they sell breakfast at work. If I work out early then I feel better about buying eggs, hashbrowns and extra bacon. I'd still buy it anyway but if I work out I feel better about it...